CONTENTMENT

Contentment
Contentment is the king of all virtues. A contented man lives naturally peaceful life. Remain happy with what is available and at the same time keep trying for better.

Interesting definations

INTERESTING DEFINITIONS

School:

A place where Papa Pays and Son Plays.

*********

Life Insurance:

A contract that keeps you poor all your life so that you can die Rich.

*********

Nurse:

A person who works up to give you sleeping pills.

*********

Love Affairs:

Something like the game of Cricket where one-day internationals are more popular than a five day test match.

*********

Marriage:

It's an agreement in which a man loses his bachelor degree and a woman gains her masters.

*********

Divorce:

Future tense of Marriage.

*********

Tears:

The hydraulic force by which masculine willpower is defeated by feminine waterpower.

*********

Lecture:

An art of transferring information from the notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students without passing through "the minds of either"

*********

Conference:

The confusion of one man multiplied by the number present.

*********

Compromise:

The art of dividing a cake in such a way that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

*********

Dictionary:

A place where success comes before work.

*********

Conference Room:

A place where everybody talks, nobody listens and everybody disagrees later on.

*********

Classic:

Books, which people praise, but do not read.

*********

Smile:

A curve that can set a lot of things straight.

*********

Office:

A place where you can relax after your strenuous home life.

*********

Yawn:

The only time some married men ever get to open their mouth.

*********

Etc.:

A sign to make others believe that you know more than you actually do.

*********

Committee:

Individuals who can do nothing individually and sit to decide that nothing can be done together.

*********

Experience:

The name men give to their mistakes.

*********

Atom Bomb:

An invention to end all inventions.

*********

Philosopher:

A fool who torments himself during life, to be spoken of when dead.

*********

Diplomat:

A person who tells you to go to hell in such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

*********

Opportunist:

A person who starts taking bath if he accidentally falls into a river.

*********

Optimist:

A person who while falling from Eiffel tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

*********

Miser:

A person who lives poor so that he can die rich.

*********

Father:

A banker provided by nature.

*********

Criminal:

A guy no different from the rest....except that he got caught.

*********

Boss:

Someone who is early when you are late and late when you are early.

*********

Politician:

One who shakes your hand before elections and your Confidence after.

*********

Doctor:

A person who kills your ills by pills, and kills you by bills.

SMS ( fun and humour)

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes. Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl? Pappu: (Luking down) No... Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.

Santa: Do you want to hear a dirty joke? Banta: Ok Santa: A white horse fell in the mud.

Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet. Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.

Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life? Because, women don't have a wife.

Man standing on the scale, holding his stomach in. Wife: I don't think that is going to help. Man: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?

Maths & Women are the two most complicated things in this world... But maths at least has some logic!

Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything? Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.

Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

Why do bees hum? Because they've forgotten the words.

Control to pilot: What is your height and position? Pilot: I'm five feet eight inches and i'm sitting down.

Wife: I Have Changed My Mind. Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?

A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing? Clerk: Yes. Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u? 2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

Why are Egyptian Children always confused? Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.

Two men were talking. First: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house n doing laundry. Second: Amazing, I took divorce for the same reason!

Teacher: Who is Mahatma Gandhi? Modern day Student: He is the one who helped Munna Bhai to impress his Girlfriend!

It's a fact: A girl may not help u to get lot of salary but... salary may help u to get lot of girls. So, love ur work not girls!

One of the biggest problems of the world is that the stupid ones are damn sure & the intelligent ones are full of doubts !

When gambling became legal in the city, everyone agreed that the city was now a bettor place.

There was the scientist who disconnected his doorbell. He wanted to win the Nobel Prize.

Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist? A: Tooth-Hurty!

Newly divorced woman explaining reason for splitting: We had religious differences - he thought he was God, I didn't.

Expensive fertilizers that do nothing for your grass will give you the most gorgeous weeds you ever saw.

People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"

A cute Nurse came 4 the interview. Dr: What salary U Xpect? Nurse: Rs.10,000. Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure. Nurse: With pleasure it¢s 25,000

Easiest way to die: 1. Have a cigar daily - you will die10 years early. 2. Have drinks daily - you will die 30 years early. 3. But love someone truly - you will die daily!

What would confuse a mentally challenged person? Answer: A pineapple. Confused...? I knew you would be!

How to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS !

If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children - they leave skid marks.

Yeah, my husband and I just split up. I finally faced the fact that we're incompatible. I'm a Virgo and he's an a@@hole.

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.

Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same advice to my children also.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

"Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'" Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

1 LINE HUMOUR

One Line Humor

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while
driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and
the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they
wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've
purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you
cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get
tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll
take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees
with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always
with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than
doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still
ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address
books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it
for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk
because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom
gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality
just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like
asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has
it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has
it!

PRESSURE

Pressure



Don't be afraid of pressure.

Remember that pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.

...................................................

Falling down doesn't make you a failure, but staying down does.

...................................................

Although the tongue weighs very little,

Very few people are able to hold it.

...................................................

A person's true character is revealed by what he does when no one is watching.

...................................................

Some people complain that there are thorns on roses,

While others praise thorns for having roses among them.

...................................................