SMS ( fun and humour)

Santa: I got married because I was tired of cooking, cleaning home and washing clothes. Banta: Amazing, I got divorce for the same reason.

Angry Santa to his son: Have you ever seen an owl? Pappu: (Luking down) No... Santa: Don't look down. Look at me.

Santa: Do you want to hear a dirty joke? Banta: Ok Santa: A white horse fell in the mud.

Two goldfish in a bowl talking: Goldfish 1: Do you believe in God? Goldfish 2: Of course, I do! Who do you think changes the water?

Postman: I have to come 5 miles to deliver u this packet. Santa: Why did u come so far. Instead U could have posted it.

Why women live a better, longer & a peaceful life? Because, women don't have a wife.

Man standing on the scale, holding his stomach in. Wife: I don't think that is going to help. Man: Sure it does. How else could I see the numbers?

Maths & Women are the two most complicated things in this world... But maths at least has some logic!

Teacher: what do u call a person who cannot hear anything? Santa: U can call him anything, because he cannot hear anything.

Santa found the answer to the most difficult question ever: What will come first, Chicken or egg? O Yaar, what ever U order first, will come first.

Why do bees hum? Because they've forgotten the words.

Control to pilot: What is your height and position? Pilot: I'm five feet eight inches and i'm sitting down.

Wife: I Have Changed My Mind. Husband: Thank God ! Does The New One Work Now?

A boy goes to a strip club. His mom gets angry & asks him: Did u see anything there that u were not supposed to see? Boy: Yes, I saw dad!

Aftr robbing d Bank, robber 2 clerk: Did u see me robbing? Clerk: Yes. Robber shot him dead & asked d next clerk: Did u? 2nd clerk: No, But my wife saw u!

Why are Egyptian Children always confused? Because after death, their DADDY becomes a MUMMY.

Two men were talking. First: I got married coz I was tired of eating out, cleaning the house n doing laundry. Second: Amazing, I took divorce for the same reason!

Teacher: Who is Mahatma Gandhi? Modern day Student: He is the one who helped Munna Bhai to impress his Girlfriend!

It's a fact: A girl may not help u to get lot of salary but... salary may help u to get lot of girls. So, love ur work not girls!

One of the biggest problems of the world is that the stupid ones are damn sure & the intelligent ones are full of doubts !

When gambling became legal in the city, everyone agreed that the city was now a bettor place.

There was the scientist who disconnected his doorbell. He wanted to win the Nobel Prize.

Q: What time is it when most people go to the dentist? A: Tooth-Hurty!

Newly divorced woman explaining reason for splitting: We had religious differences - he thought he was God, I didn't.

Expensive fertilizers that do nothing for your grass will give you the most gorgeous weeds you ever saw.

People are more violently opposed to fur than to leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

A teenage boy to his father: Here's my report card and a list I've compiled of entrepreneurs who never finished their High School.

The math teacher saw that little Johnny wasn't paying attention in class. She called on him and said, "Pappu! What are 4, 2, 28 and 44?" Little Johnny quickly replied, "Cartoon Network, Ten Sports, Discovery Channel and Pogo!"

A cute Nurse came 4 the interview. Dr: What salary U Xpect? Nurse: Rs.10,000. Dr was overjoyed & said: My Pleasure. Nurse: With pleasure it¢s 25,000

Easiest way to die: 1. Have a cigar daily - you will die10 years early. 2. Have drinks daily - you will die 30 years early. 3. But love someone truly - you will die daily!

What would confuse a mentally challenged person? Answer: A pineapple. Confused...? I knew you would be!

How to catch a squirrel? Climb up a tree and just be yourself. Squirrels will come to you on their own. Because they just love NUTS !

If you never want to see a man again, say: I love you, I want to marry you, I want to have children - they leave skid marks.

Yeah, my husband and I just split up. I finally faced the fact that we're incompatible. I'm a Virgo and he's an a@@hole.

Men want 3 qualities in wives: Economist in kitchen, artist in home& devil in bed. But they get artist in kitchen, devil in home& economist in Bed.

Santa declares: I'll never marry in my life and I'll give same advice to my children also.

Did you ever walk in a room and forget why you walked in? I think that's how dogs spend their lives.

I asked my new girlfriend what sort of books she's interested in, she said: Check books.

The easiest way to make your old car run better, is to check the prices of new car.

Sometimes when I reflect back on all the ciggarettes I smoked, i feel ashamed. Then I look into the ciggarette & think about the workers in the ciggarette factory & all of their hopes & dreams. If I dont smoke this ciggarette, they might be out of work & their dreams would be shattered, Then I say to myself, it's better that I smoke this ciggarette & let their dreams come true then be selfish & worry about my LUNGS.

Several women appeared in court, each accusing the other of the trouble in the flat where they lived. The judge called for orderly testimony. "I'll hear the oldest first," he decreed. The case was closed for lack of evidence.

What is the difference between men and pigs? Pigs don't turn into men when they drink.

My wife thinks "freedom of the press" means no-iron clothes.

When the best actors are chosen by other actors, it's called the Oscars. When the best actors are chosen by the people, it's called an election.

A husband, the owner of a new car, was somewhat reluctant to allow his wife to drove his prize possession...even to the grocery store which was a few blocks from the house. After she insisted, he finally relented, cautioning her as she departed, "Remember, if you have an accident, the newspaper will print your age!"

A boy tells his mom that he seen a boy & a girl sitting at the top of the roof & kissing. Then his mom tell him that they are gonna get married. Then the boy asks his mom: When is dad gonna marry the maid?

"Take a pencil and paper," the teacher said, "and write an essay with the title 'If I Were a Millionaire'" Everyone but Philip, who leaned back with arms folded, began to write furiously. "What's the matter," the teacher asked. "Why don't you begin?" "I'm waiting for my secretary," he replied.

Wife's definition of retirement: Twice as much husband on half as much pay.

Q: What's the difference between a good lawyer and a great lawyer? A: A good lawyer knows the law. A great lawyer knows the judge.

Nurse: A beautiful woman who holds your hand for one full minute and then expects your pulse to be normal

1 LINE HUMOUR

One Line Humor

[1] Regular naps prevent old age, especially if you take them while
driving.

[2] Having one child makes you a parent; having two you are a referee.

[3] Marriage is a relationship in which one person is always right and
the other is the husband!

[4] I believe we should all pay our tax with a smile. I tried - but they
wanted cash.

[5] A child's greatest period of growth is the month after you've
purchased new school uniforms.

[6] Don't feel bad. A lot of people have no talent.

[7] Don't marry the person you want to live with, marry the one you
cannot live without, but whatever you do, you'll regret it later.

[8] You can't buy love, but you pay heavily for it.

[9] Bad officials are elected by good citizens who do not vote.

[10] Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get
tired.

[11] Marriage is give and take. You'd better give it to her or she'll
take it anyway.

[12] My wife and I always compromise. I admit I'm wrong and she agrees
with me.

[13] Those who can't laugh at themselves leave the job to others.

[14] Ladies first. Pretty ladies sooner.

[15] A successful marriage requires falling in love many times, always
with the same person.

[16] You're getting old when you enjoy remembering things more than
doing them.

[17] It doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job, he still
ends up with the same boss.

[18] Real friends are the ones who survive transitions between address
books.

[19] Saving is the best thing. Especially when your parents have done it
for you.

[20] Wise men talk because they have something to say; fools talk
because they have to say something

[21] They call our language the mother tongue because the father seldom
gets to speak!

[22] Man: Is there any way for long life?
Dr: Get married.
Man: Will it help?
Dr: No, but then the thought of long life will never come.

[23]Why do couples hold hands during their wedding? It's a formality
just like two boxers shaking hands before the fight begins!

[24]Wife: Darling today is our anniversary, what should we do?
Husband: Let us stand in silence for 2 minutes.

[25]It's funny when people discuss Love Marriage vs Arranged. It's like
asking someone, if suicide is better or being murdered.

[26]There is only one perfect child in the world and every mother has
it.

[27]There is only one perfect wife in the world and every neighbor has
it!

PRESSURE

Pressure



Don't be afraid of pressure.

Remember that pressure is what turns a lump of coal into a diamond.

...................................................

Falling down doesn't make you a failure, but staying down does.

...................................................

Although the tongue weighs very little,

Very few people are able to hold it.

...................................................

A person's true character is revealed by what he does when no one is watching.

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Some people complain that there are thorns on roses,

While others praise thorns for having roses among them.

...................................................

kisi kisi ki

Kiss kisi ki

Kiss kisi ki mahphil me,
Kiss kisi ne kiss kiss ko kiss kiya.
Ek hum they jisne her miss ko kiss kiya,
Aur ek aap they jisne har kiss ko miss kiya.

....................................

Ur the 1st thing that comes 2 my mind.
I wish I could start my day with U in my bed.

I just luv Ur feel to my lips. U just make my day.
I love U NESCAFE!

....................................

Kiss is not like Nokia...Connecting People
Kiss is not like Nike.. Just Do It.
Kiss is not like Pepsi.. Yeh Dil Maange More

But Kiss is like Pan Parag.. Ek Se Mera Kya Hoga

....................................

Main tod leta agar tu GULAB hoti,
Main jawab banta agar tu SAWAL hoti,

Sab jante hai main nasha nahi karta
Phir bhi pi leta agar tu SHARAB hoti

SULAGTA hua JISM

SULAGTA hua JISM

Yeh tumhara SULAGTA hua JISM ...
KAPKAPATAY HONT....
LARKHARATI AAWAZ...
THARTHARATA BADAN ...
Mujhe pehle se shuq tha ke tumhain
MALARIA HAI.....

.........................................

Yaad hai hum pehli baar kahan miley they...
Train ruki.......
Khidki khuli.......
Nazron se nazren mili.........
Aur app ne kaha..........
Allah ke naam pe dede BABA:-D

.........................................

Dia hai upper waley ne mobile
To itnee to kadar kia kero karo
Na karo call per her roz
Do char sms to kia kero

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Mayawati came to Lalu's House with a Goat.....
Lalu : Bhaiswa ko kyun Layi ho....??
Maya : Dikhta nahi, Goatwa hai..??
Lalu : Hum Goatwa se hi Puch raha Hun..!!

NO MATTER

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No matter




No matter how high the sky is,
How deep the ocean is,
How strong the wind is,
How wide the river is,

I just want to tell YOU….

They're none of YOUR BUSINESS

....................................

Andhe ke hath me "TORCH",
Bahare ke hath me "RADIO",

Gunge ke hath me "MIKE",
AUR AAP KE HATH ME "MOBILE"

WAH WAH Kya Jamana Aaya hai!!!

....................................

Aap itrate bahut ho
Dil ko behlate bahut ho

Sochte hai aap ko DINNER par le jaaye
Par kya kare ZALIM tum khate bahut ho.

....................................

Amiri ke khwab Dekhne laga,
Angreji Sharab Chakhane laga,

Baap ne kabhi Pager nahi dekha,
Aur beta Mobile rakhne laga!!!

....................................

You Are Mine

~You Are Mine~


A time to be happy
A time to be sad
A time for laughter
A time to be mad.

A time to hug someone
A whisper, a kiss
Moments without you
Are the ones that I miss.

A love so divine
One honest and true
I describe the kind
That I have with you.

Be mine for tomorrow
And mine for today
Be mine when you are close
And far, far away.

Know that I love you
With all my heart
Always together
And never apart.